Macro! Where is our supper? Inquire of the cooks, have them flogged if you must. Damn it! My dear Caligula, we have the finest cooks in the Empire yet they're as slow as a band of Egyptian slavegirls. Speaking of which, have you taken your fill of pleasure for this evening? I daresay we shouldn't waste such beauties placed so readily at our disposal. Why, just look at that young Thracian lad over there! I haven't even had the delight of enjoying him! And that girl from.... where is it, girl?... ah, from Judea! Such graceful features... Is all well with you, Gaius? You seem rather grave tonight... Ah well here comes our meal! We shall have to save this until later, huh? Perhaps your mood will have lightened by then. How could it not? – just look at these dishes! What sumptuousness, what variety! Did you have the cooks flogged, Macro? Ah well, do it anyway! It shall teach them well for next time. One can never be complacent in these matters, Gaius. When you are an emperor you'll know how it is.

My dear Macro, why so sullen faced? Ha ha! What a soldier you are, always serious, ever ready to do your duty. To serve the Republic, eh, Macro? The 'Senate and People of Rome', as the sacred formula goes. Ha ha ha! What Senate might that be, I ask you? Those old men couched in fear of me, all these miles away? How many of their rank have I decimated, Prefect? These shameless sycophants, look at how they hail me and lavish me with honours when I walk into the Senate House; all the while they tremble for their fortunes and their lives. These are not Men, they are fit only to be slaves! And what of the 'People'? Are they any better? – No! Give them bread and circuses and they'll praise you to the skies. Take away their voting rights and they'll not mutter a word so long as their stomachs are full and they're well entertained. Ha ha ha! So I took their voting rights and then I took away their circuses! No, they cannot, either of them, be called Romans!

Gentlemen, sometimes I think we three are the last Romans left! Yes, it's true. Look at us, only we hold the sway over all its affairs; only we reap its highest luxuries and rewards. Let us toast to ourselves – the last of the Romans! Ah what a delicious wine! Another fine vintage so finely squandered! Bacchus himself could not produce better... How goes it, Macro? Drink up! Every night you rival me in your drinking yet tonight I fear you've fallen far behind! What is it with you two tonight? Do you bear bad news? Have the legions risen against me? Tell me now! I shall not be kept waiting! We will flee to Persia if we must, I will never let them capture me! Tell me now, Macro! Unveil the tragedy which weighs upon your minds. If it is in my power I will move Rome to alleviate it for you. If it concerns me, I will have Rome run red with blood for the same purpose! Tell me now, my faithful comrades, it cannot wait!

Another conspiracy! Who is it this time? Tell me their names. Slave, pen and parchment! Ah yes, I should have suspected. I knew they'd be driven to it sooner or later. And what a wealth they shall leave behind! What an abundant legacy to the State Treasury and my own! Ah men, you now have no excuse for those glum looks. They shall be dead by tomorrow evening and we shall find ourselves considerably enriched. Messenger! – Deliver this letter directly to the Urban Prefect, it is to be read by him in the Senate House under full guard. Make it known, no Senator is exempt from attendance. I trust, Macro, you will make the necessary arrangements. Not now, man! It isn't that urgent, we kill men at our leisure, – why should they make us interrupt our banquet just so we may correct their infidelity? No, they are in Rome and we are on Capri! They cannot touch us here. Let them dream of their petty revolution tonight, for tomorrow their blood will be washed down the steps of their beloved Senate.

Oh Gods! The strains of ruling the world. Ha ha! I'm in a whimsical mood tonight, my friends! What a contrast to you, eh? Are you going to eat that, Caligula? Then push it over here, we mustn't let our opulence go to waste! I feel another toast coming on, – to the Divine Augustus! Without him where would we be? That pompous self-righteous bastard. To my father, who bereft me from the only woman I've ever loved for the sake of his monarchy. Am I putting it to good use, father? Is this what you envisioned? You devious old runt! I curse you with every breath of my impoverished life. You think I wouldn't give up all this wealth if it would gain me peace? My soul is dead, old man! Was it too much to leave me in my retirement? You had to drag me out and have me crowned when your frail body finally failed you. You thrust me into this position of supreme authority. A responsibility you knew I fled from and loathed.

To my father, gentlemen! The Divine Augustus! I salute him with chalices stolen from men I've slain. I salute him in the depths of a palace constructed through other mens' plundered fortunes. This is how I repay you, you bloody tyrant! May the world one day curse you for enslaving the Roman people. Ah, my dear Gaius, I fear your foul temper is quite contagious. Let me lie by you a while. You will one day rule in my place. My years are numbered, I know that well. Who can say how many more I will live? I will teach you, my sweet Caligula. You will learn everything about becoming the tyrant I never could be. I see much potential in you. And for someone so young! That the Gods had ever created such decadence and cruelty in man... yes, I shall teach you everything I know and unleash you on Rome. Rome must pay for its willing servitude. The world must pay, Caligula, don't you see? More wine, I'm empty!

You'll show them. You will. They think they're happy now, they imagine they're content. But you'll show them what absolute authority can do. Ah but you'll be safe! No one will lift a finger against you and if anyone contemplates it there are ten more who will betray him for a price. I – I hide my debaucheries from the public eye. As much as I hate the Roman people, I cannot bear the shame of their judgement. But you! – I've known you since a small boy... I have never seen you ashamed! Oh you will be perfect! Rome will tremble before you, my son. Not now, Macro! Can't you see I am talking to my boy? Hands off! Caligula, he strikes me! Unhand me, you soldier! I'll have you torn apart by dogs.... Run Gaius, inform the guards! Gaius, run! What are you doing? Traitors, both of you! Traitors! You thought to slay me even though the Empire was yours? What purpose? What use? What —